1) Slide 2: Avoid generalisations. Tighten introduction by saying we followed the conventions of the medium with the visuals lasting as long as the track. Don’t say of the music video genre, it is music video meium. Delete .. although……..to audience interest as this is waffle.
2) Paragraphs 2 and 3 delete because your are making generalised statements without examples. Instead say something like. (this is in your theory booklet on media language)say something like..... Music videos are either filmed performance, traditional visual narration or experimental visual narration (Goodwin). Our music video would be considered an experimental visual narration because of our use of split screen (include a screen shot as an example. Thus our music video is not performance based but is based on the concept of a young woman journeying through Cambridge and thence onto a sea scape.
3) Slide 3 you need to include screen shots from real productions that inspired you, whether films, TV documentaries, TV dramas, novels, poems, paintings.
4) Slide 5 add another slide on Narrative Structure. Here you need to reference media theory and apply it to your production. You need to discuss split screen and it’s purpose and emphasise that aspects of your narrative structure challenge the conventional fixed frame…to quote Split Screen: “The Fragmented Frame: The Poetics of the Split-Screen” by Jim Bizzocchi http://web.mit.edu/comm-forum/mit6/papers/Bizzocchi.pdf ……Willis notes that contemporary filmmakers such as Greenaway and Figgis use digital capabilities to break what Greenaway calls "the tyranny of the frame" and make expressive use of a multi-windowed cinematic environment ”. WITH SCREEN SHOTS from your production. This is very important to include Rose.
5) You could then move onto to that though you challenged “the tyranny of the frame” you used continuity editing to establish a coherence between the shots. For example the performer moves from a river bank to an art gallery and thence to a library suggesting a day out on a cultural trail.
6) Strauss “binary opposition” to add appeal, the differences between exterior locations such as….. to the external locations of the……… This add variety and visual appeal.
7) Slide 7: Delete ….”the representation in our music video is minimal…….. This doesn’t make sense.
Instead say we used the convention of focusing on the story of one girl. The concept of strong story telling featuring a young girl; the use of a solitary performer is also in Ed Sheeran’s : The A Team the tragic story of a homeless girl. You may wish to reference this, Use this reference instead of Dylan’s Tambourine Man. The Sheeran music video is more contemporary and focuses on the day in the life of a young girl.
8) You haven’t discussed genre because genre is possibly difficult to pin point but suggests indie folk and the sound of the artist is very similar to a 60’s artist Donovan. Most videos of Donovan on you tube a performance because the music video concept was in its infancy, so perhaps the next best bet would be referenceing The Beatles “Penny Lane” which represents the artists wandering through Liverpool with a series of montage clips. You could head this up as genre as an inter textual concept (Katie Wales) and (Goodwin) the language of music video includes inter textual references. But you could add that similarities are very slim and are more to do with sound than visuals because music videos of this period were in their infancy.
At present Level 3 C+ , with revisions particularly re narrative structure will strengthen. Very good points Rose on colouration.
1) Slide 2: Avoid generalisations. Tighten introduction by saying we followed the conventions of the medium with the visuals lasting as long as the track. Don’t say of the music video genre, it is music video meium. Delete .. although……..to audience interest as this is waffle.
ReplyDelete2) Paragraphs 2 and 3 delete because your are making generalised statements without examples.
Instead say something like. (this is in your theory booklet on media language)say something like..... Music videos are either filmed performance, traditional visual narration or experimental visual narration (Goodwin). Our music video would be considered an experimental visual narration because of our use of split screen (include a screen shot as an example. Thus our music video is not performance based but is based on the concept of a young woman journeying through Cambridge and thence onto a sea scape.
3) Slide 3 you need to include screen shots from real productions that inspired you, whether films, TV documentaries, TV dramas, novels, poems, paintings.
4) Slide 5 add another slide on Narrative Structure. Here you need to reference media theory and apply it to your production. You need to discuss split screen and it’s purpose and emphasise that aspects of your narrative structure challenge the conventional fixed frame…to quote Split Screen: “The Fragmented Frame: The Poetics of the Split-Screen” by Jim Bizzocchi http://web.mit.edu/comm-forum/mit6/papers/Bizzocchi.pdf
……Willis notes that contemporary filmmakers such as Greenaway and Figgis use digital capabilities to break what Greenaway calls "the tyranny of the frame" and make expressive use of a multi-windowed cinematic environment ”. WITH SCREEN SHOTS from your production.
This is very important to include Rose.
5) You could then move onto to that though you challenged “the tyranny of the frame” you used continuity editing to establish a coherence between the shots. For example the performer moves from a river bank to an art gallery and thence to a library suggesting a day out on a cultural trail.
6) Strauss “binary opposition” to add appeal, the differences between exterior locations such as….. to the external locations of the……… This add variety and visual appeal.
7) Slide 7: Delete ….”the representation in our music video is minimal…….. This doesn’t make sense.
Instead say we used the convention of focusing on the story of one girl. The concept of strong story telling featuring a young girl; the use of a solitary performer is also in Ed Sheeran’s : The A Team the tragic story of a homeless girl. You may wish to reference this, Use this reference instead of Dylan’s Tambourine Man. The Sheeran music video is more contemporary and focuses on the day in the life of a young girl.
8) You haven’t discussed genre because genre is possibly difficult to pin point but suggests indie folk and the sound of the artist is very similar to a 60’s artist Donovan. Most videos of Donovan on you tube a performance because the music video concept was in its infancy, so perhaps the next best bet would be referenceing The Beatles “Penny Lane” which represents the artists wandering through Liverpool with a series of montage clips. You could head this up as genre as an inter textual concept (Katie Wales) and (Goodwin) the language of music video includes inter textual references. But you could add that similarities are very slim and are more to do with sound than visuals because music videos of this period were in their infancy.
At present Level 3 C+ , with revisions particularly re narrative structure will strengthen. Very good points Rose on colouration.
Don't forget print productions